Translating Tech Talk

talkingng to another species

Ever feel like there’s a disconnect when you speak to one of your technical colleagues? You might be speaking a different language. Here are some translations of technical talk I found on the PLAIN website.

1. A number of different approaches is being tried—We are still clueless.

2. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem—We just hired three kids fresh out of college.

3. Close project coordination—We know who to blame.

4. Major technological breakthrough—It works only so so, but looks very hi-tech.

5. Customer satisfaction is assured—We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy just to get it delivered.

6. Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive —The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.

7. Test results were extremely gratifying—We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.

8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned—The only person who understood the thing quit.

9. It’s in process—It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.

10. We will look into it—Forget it! We have enough problems for now.

11. Please note and initial—Let’s spread the responsibility for the mistake.

12. Give us the benefit of your thinking—We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we’ve already done.

13. Give us your interpretation—I can’t wait to hear this nonsense!

14. See me or let’s discuss—Come into my office, I’m lonely.

15. All new—Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.

16. Rugged—Too darn heavy to lift!

17. Lightweight—Lighter than rugged.

18. Years of development—One finally worked.

19. Energy saving—Achieved when the power switch is off.

20. Low maintenance—Impossible to fix if broken.